why so black and lonely?

Nothing is going right for me lately. Everything is either wrong, screwed, or a big jumble of mess. Even the ever dependable Pringles is not as salty as before.

My 6-year association has finally ended last Saturday. I went out just like that, no confetti thrown, no announcement made, no shake hands, no cheap gold watch engraved with my name. I went out quietly as I didn’t need those things. Less people know about it, the better.

Sometimes I feel the urge to pinch myself and get reminded that it wasn’t a dream after all; standing in front of those faces and helping them to navigate their ways through one of the obstacles in their lives. It’s just not me, I’ve never thought about becoming that way, but here I am. Life indeed has a funny way on sneakin’ up on us, just like what Alanis said.

Maybe someday I’ll return, and the place would always have a special place in my heart as I enjoyed several memorable years of my life there. I’ll keep remember it, but I won’t remember those horrible handwritings and those late nights spent on checking them.

But maybe I will.

The season is finally over, and I already can’t wait for next season to start. 3 months without seeing my heroes is just too much to bear. Here’s just a recap from another disappointing season for us.

Best Moment: Crushing Arsenal at Old Trafford; Park’s performance against Fulham at home; Rio’s late, late goal against Liverpool & Gary’s celebration afterward; Bestie’s tribute at Upton Park & Old Trafford; Ruud & Saha celebration at Reebok Stadium; Ole’s return.

Worst Moment: Losing to Benfica; losing to Shitty; losing to Rovers; losing to Boro; Smudger’s going down; drawing blanks against Sunderland at home; Chelsea’s title celebration & Rooney’s broken metatarsal; Keano leaving; Ruud’s imminent departure.

Best Goals: Ruud’s waist-spin volley against Charlton; Ronaldo’s thunderbolt at Fratton Park; Rooney & Park’s against Arsenal; Saha’s against Rovers; Ruud’s double against Shitty; Rio’s against Liverpool.

For the last 2 weeks, I came upon several TV documentaries focusing on the "other" side of Catholic Church; the side that your regular Sunday School won’t tell you about. I’m so excited as they are produced by Discovery Channel or National Geographic which are renowned for their credibility and thorough scientific research.

I believe those programs are aired to ride the momentum created by the upcoming release of The Da Vinci Code movies (DVC), which starts the whole shebang on these uncomfortable subjects for some. Besides DVC, the other topics discussed are about the Knights Templar, the Apocalypse, Gospel of Judas, and the Spear of Destiny.

Several people don’t like discussing such topics as they think it might undermine the whole foundation and belief of the Catholic Church. They actually have a point, as we might question why such things could happen, and how an alternative version of it could exist.

To delve into the subjects could be mind-blowing, dangerous, romantic, and Indiana Jonesesque (wtf?). But, one should ask themselves whether they really want to know the truth before starting their journey. Can you handle the truth and all consequences that come with it?

Conspiracy theories aside, in my opinion this is a good chance to really review our faith with clear conscience and decide what we actually believe in.

Keep the faith?

We finally managed to bid our Keano a proper farewell with a testimonial match last night. From the reports, it seemed to be a very emotional occasion for him & the fans with almost 70,000 of them came to sing his songs for one final time, and then sent him off to the land of United legends.

We love you, Keano. Thank you for everything, and good luck.

Maybe the same well-wishing words should also be addressed to our Ruud as we might have seen the last of him in the Red strip. It’s such a shame that his last action for us was the missed penalty against Boro. Honestly, I still can’t accept his impending departure. It really hurts to have the similar episode happening again to someone who clearly loves and be loved by the United supporters.

This year’s EPL season is finally over, and eventhough we sign off from Old Trafford with a convincing victory over Charlton; all the talk is about the inevitable departure of our No. 10.

Ruud stormed off Old Trafford and went straight home after learning that he’d spend the game on the bench. An unwise move that would never work against Fergie, and it’s just confirming the persisting rumors over the past two months about his exit from United.

I guess no United fan would dare to think about this scenario when this season started last August as Ruud scored goals left & right and was rightly the top scorer for much of half of the season. Then, Saha started to recover and scored lots of goals in our Cup competitions which culminated at the Carling Cup final when he was preferred over Ruud. Ruud wasn’t even featured as a sub which piled more misery on him, and it was obvious if we saw our celebration pics from Cardiff as Ruud was nowhere to be found.

It started to get worse from there as Saha & Rooney continued to display magnificent performance, but a Ruud cameo against Bolton seemed to convince us that everything was alright, and he’s willing to play second fiddle to Saha. The fans also showed their support by singing his songs which he rightly acknowledged. So, it couldn’t get anymore wrong, right??

Hoping that Ruud & Fergie would just kiss & make up is a wishful thinking. Another heart-wrenching way to lose a player that’s very dear to my heart. Goddamn it!!!

Our draw last night against Boro was a lot more disappointing for me than the other one when we got crushed by the Champions. Yes, watching the trophy presentation was torturing me, but not more than seeing our lads failed to bounce back from that.

I refused to take the absence of Rooney as the main reason for us firing blanks again, nor Ruud’s inability to score from the penalty spot. It’s puzzling to see how we failed to produce whenever it’s needed the most. Even without Rooney, we have a more than capable squad to beat Boro!

I was disgusted because we can simply forget all the talk of us challenging for the title next season if we keep playing like this. We really deserved the boos last night. It was justified.

On the other note, I can totally understand why Kim Basinger chose to have an affair with Michael Douglas on The Sentinel. I bet she couldn’t stand her husband after seeing what he’d done here.

Updated (2 May 2006):

No more Meredith Grey. No more Clark & Lana. No more Ryan & Seth. No more John Dykes & Richard Keys. God help us…